The Playground Epidemic

    One of the best parts of moving to Rochester, Minnesota has been discovering the multiple, beautiful parks and play grounds. We are blessed enough to live in walking distance to several parks and as a working mom of 3 spirited young girls, it is much needed after a long clinical day to watch them play, explore, and learn. Yet, I have noticed something in the past year since moving to Rochester. Perhaps it also has descended on me deeper as I have been more entrenched as a parent who never fails to struggle at a work/ life balance with family and passion projects….yet, who is always trying. I have witnessed, more times than I can count, a great impediment to child play through the hours of park trips. The playground epidemic of adults on the playground.

            Play is the language of kids and their primary code of communication (Koukourikos et al., 2021). Famous play therapist Garry Landreth once said that “Toys function like children’s words, and play functions as their language” (2012). In this vein, the child exploring the rough terrain of a playground encourages developmental processes involving the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus to be engaged and stimulated. Only a child hiding in a slide can see that it is actually a deep portal that transports them to another world. Only a child can pick up a pinecone and collect several to function as a mode of currency to trade with the cowboys (aka their sisters- this may be inspired by true events). It is only by exposure and space that the child engages thinking in this way that so deeply juxtaposes their school day experience of rote memorization and listening to directions. These activities in school are important and serve a purpose; but as a clinician and parent I see deeper and more significant value of the power of play over the power of memorizing the multiplication tables. This is even more time sensitive due to the ever-increasing pressure of treating kids like “mini adults”. So much of our society, as well intentioned as ever, promotes the parentification and premature adultification of children (Schmitz & Tyler, 2017). This can look like over encouraging a child to act as a parental figure to younger siblings or even meeting them with adult level expectations of hygiene habits/ cleanliness. This creates heightened levels of stress and strain in the young brain and discourages self-expression, especially through play. Even over a century ago, philosophers alike noted the importance of preserving, protecting, and even replicating play of children for adults: “Childhood is the time of innocence and happiness, the paradise of life, the lost Eden…” – Arthur Schopenhauer. Preserving play is crucial for our children’s developing brain, mental health, and long term relational and individual satisfaction.

            That is why parents on playgrounds is an epidemic that must be stopped. I say this, ironically, as a clinician that does not specialize in children but one that does intense attachment focused work. After years of study and clinical work with survivors of trauma from childhood abuse, I am confident in my claim of the imperative nature of appropriate, self-directed living for our children. Abused children are either consistently exposed to innapropriate levels of parentification strain, thus developing beliefs that their identity is in service to others alone or their is just flat out neglect taking place and thoughts on purpose and meaning in life are strained due to parental rejection. Perhaps, these are the children on the playground whose parent is no where in site or is periodically screaming at their child.

Securely attached children, on the other hand, can venture out safely, sometimes slowly, away from the parent on the playground, periodically rushing back to share a newfound gem or to ask for another snack. These “check ins” may seem simplistic, whose kid does not get hungry on a play ground? I can assure you, however, that a relational dynamic and ancient psychological concept is playing out. The parent, watching from afar but not too far, represents the secure base for the child so that after playing and exploring for a little “too long”, the unconscious (sometimes conscious) psychological distress that takes place from being apart from the parental figure kicks in- which is very evolutionary adaptive on the kids end for survival!- and the child seeks their parent for the “snack” only to then experience reprieve from the distress and reengage with the world of play.

            Even apart from abusive or neglectful parent/ child relationships, there are many reasons why parents on playgrounds is detrimental to the child’s development and their own parent/ child relational satisfaction. As stated above, the safe distance from the child on the playground actually encourages a reunification and healthy interaction in safety attached and attuned children and parents. If a parent never leaves the child's side or insists on playing with them for the entire duration at the playground, the child receives the not so subtle message that playground and outside time is a time for parental gratification rather than play and self-discovery.  Termed, anxious attachment, these features play out to present as overly shielding the children from harms way, tripping and scraping their knee, or becoming “too dirty” on a playground. The child learns through repetition to fear things that exist very normally in the world and enforces the idea that to be safe, the parental figure needs to be close; when in reality, these behaviors coming from the parent are really to soothe the parental distress and nervous system rather than promotion of the child's. Among one of the most disheartening observations from my experience has been the aversion and stark disinterest in engaging with other children. Repeated exposure to a single stimuli, think of an action/ reaction ideology, breeds expectation in thinking and action. Parents who, with very well meaning hearts, engage incessantly with their children in these play spaces discourage interaction with other children. Their child begins to "unsee" the play world and friendships that could be around them due to the over parental engagement. Further, the outcome of this also extends to the other kids on the playground, whom if their parents are not with them, reinforces that child is “off limits” for play. Most play grounds are made to be just a little bit “dangerous” for children to stretch themselves behaviorally and physically while also doing so in a safe and controlled environment. Ironically, part of the “safe and controlled environment” has to mean less physical proximity to the child so they can experiment their own unique limits and boundaries with self, objects, and others.

            The play ground is meant to be a space separate from the real world while also functioning as a make shift “real world”. Meaning, the time the child spends exploring and interacting on the play ground, no matter how silly or exotic the games may seem, sets them up for lifelong relational success and self-confidence. Parents, we have a responsibility to let our children create stories and identify with others apart from ourselves. We have a duty to allow them to get in a conflict with peers and navigate resolutions independently. Our job is to not shield them from things that harm them, but to expose them, appropriately and safely, to a “world” and time without us by their side. Then, we take them home and talk about the park play time, the imaginary worlds encountered, and connection and cuddles are needed for both!

The goal is to not be neglectful or absent in the lives our children, but to be close enough for those quick but meaningful snack breaks while also far enough to show the child that we trust they can do anything they set their mind to- even if that means conquering fierce lands of slaying dragons with new friends with pinecone grenades.

Best,

Dr. Hanna

References

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.

Koukourikos, K., Tsaloglidou, A., Tzeha, L., Iliadis, C., Frantzana, A., Katsimbeli, A., & Kourkouta, L. (2021). An overview of play therapy. Materia Socio-Medica, 33(4), 293–297. https://doi.org/10.5455/msm.2021.33.293-297

Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.

Sandseter, E. B. H., & Kennair, L. E. O. (2011). Children’s risky play from an evolutionary perspective: The anti-phobic effects of thrilling experiences. Evolutionary Psychology, 9(2), 257–284. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491100900212

Schmitz, R. M., & Tyler, K. A. (2016). Growing up before their time: The early adultification experiences of homeless young people. Children and Youth Services Review, 64, 15–22. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2016.02.026

Schopenhauer, A. (2004). Counsels and maxims (T. B. Saunders, Trans.). Project Gutenberg. https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/10715 (Original work published 1851)

Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., Golinkoff, R. M., Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, & Council on Communications and Media. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3), Article e20182058. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058