Be the Ball: Early Development, Resilience, and the Neuroscience of Growing Strong

Be the ball, Hanna.

I will never forget the words that my dad would tell me right before every single soccer match and training session. My soccer career was very serious to me, and at the advanced age of 4, I meant business. While my “power pig tails,” as my momma termed them, were tied together with bright pink soccer ball hair ties, I was all about hard work and focus. Certainly, as I aged through the sport and those cute hair ties were exchanged for pre-wrap (a college soccer staple), the mindset never waned. I count my early years on the soccer field as one of the most significant places for my socioemotional development.

While my dyslexic brain could not even spell that word until relatively recently—who says learning disorders have to hold you back from academia? Not me!—socioemotional development for children is imperative for coaches, parents, and educators to prioritize throughout the lifespan. And yes, even in tiny tot soccer. The beauty of youth sports and organized activities is the holistic application of their lessons. Not only does the child gain skill sets in physical endeavors and create healthy habits associated with movement—something our kids need more now than ever before in this endless technology- and screen-driven generation—but they also learn about mental toughness, resilience, and strategizing in complex spaces.

The developing brain was once thought to be largely incapable of learning difficult concepts until a certain age. Neuroscience has proven this wrong time and time again. Attachment scientists have even found evidence of imitation—a relatively complex neurological reaction involving a baby mimicking the faces of caregivers—occurring in infants as young as 45 minutes old. This is an astounding finding, and its implications for what the child brain is capable of are immeasurable. Just as the young brain is more capable of greatness and learning, it is also very vulnerable and prone to long-term damage. How does my soccer analogy tie in here? Let me dive deeper—my favorite thing to do.

The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson has been a favorite recent read of mine. Neuropsychologist meets elite coach and expands on this idea of the “predator mentality.” As soon as I heard this phrase, I “locked in,” as the kids say. The predator mentality is a suggested mindset for those who struggle with anxiety management. While the book discusses this in terms of testing anxiety for our youth today, I find its applicability much broader. Choosing to engage in a line of thinking in which you, the subject, are the lion on the safari rather than the gazelle (sorry in advance to all my Lion King fans) can greatly “trick” our brain into an elevated sense of confidence and self-esteem by mitigating excess and unnecessary stress. This is accomplished by taking the direct opposite emotional standpoint of the “prey” brain.

Most people living with anxious or depressive features can feel helpless, victimized, and targeted—sometimes for very valid reasons that are out of our control. Honing in on, as Viktor Frankl encourages us, the ability to choose our perspective in any given situation creates a sense of control and power that juxtaposes anxious and depressive thinking. Little spud, as I was frequently referred to in tot soccer, was not the fastest or most athletic on the field. On the contrary, I greatly struggled in the sport. It was not talent, but learning discipline and consistency—along with a “predator brain”—that allowed me to take my skill and ability to the next level and ultimately earn a college soccer scholarship. Teaching the power of thinking to a young, developing brain can be a significant factor between quality-of-life outcomes and mood disorder predisposition as the child ages. As a trauma-focused therapist who does much work with survivors of child abuse, I will continue to advocate for and support the power of encouragement and direction for our youth.

Survivors of abuse rank among the most resilient individuals I have ever known, and healing our inner child by encouraging and challenging ourselves in healthy ways as adults is oftentimes an integral part of the therapy journey. There is a great deal of relearning involved in parenting ourselves through an authoritative (kind, respectful, warm approach to structured goal setting and discipline) rather than an authoritarian (harsh, critical, demanding approach). Learning to integrate being “on the attack” in life—being proactive, taking initiative, and enhancing positive self-talk—sounds easy, yet is far from it for those of us with traumatic or painful backgrounds, as discussed above. However, it is one of the most powerful and meaningful gifts we can give ourselves, as it is tenfold in its return.

As I reflect on those early mornings tying on cleats and doing my hair with pink soccer-ball hair ties, my dad’s simple instruction—Be the ball—feels far less like a childhood sports mantra and much more like an early lesson in regulation, agency, and intentional engagement with the world. Developmental neuroscience continues to affirm what many coaches, parents, and educators have long intuitively practiced: the brain is shaped through repeated experience, challenge, and relational encouragement. When we teach children—and later ourselves—to move toward difficulty with curiosity rather than avoidance, we are quite literally strengthening neural pathways associated with resilience, executive functioning, and emotional regulation. Whether we conceptualize this as a “predator mentality,” an internal locus of control, or the re-parenting work often necessary in trauma recovery, the principle remains the same: growth occurs when we are supported, challenged, and empowered simultaneously. At Pacifica, this is the heart of our work—to help developing and healing brains alike learn that confidence is not an inherent trait but a practiced skill, and that the capacity for movement, adaptation, and restoration remains present across the lifespan when nurtured within safe, attuned relationships.

-Dr. Hanna aka "lil spud"