Pathos Mythos: Correcting Emotional Mythology

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by mythology. Growing up, you would have been hard pressed to find a time where I wasn’t reading a Percy Jackson book, or checking out collections of myths from the library. More recently, I got to witness the big-screen adaptation of Homer’s The Odyssey. For me, myths have always been a vehicle to connect with other cultures and viewpoints. Whether explaining why something is, teaching a life lesson, or entertaining the audience, many myths are timeless encapsulations of universal stories. And while I would love for this to be a film or book review blog, my role as a mental health provider has given me an awareness of and responsibility to speak about a type of myth that I do not have the same affinity for: myths about emotion.

In the same way that ancient civilizations created myths, so too do we cultivate belief systems about various topics. One such topic is emotion. Similar to bygone cultures sharing stories through speech, we speak and act in ways that reinforce ideas about emotion, even if those ideas are not based in truth. Over time, the origin and legitimacy of these ideas can become hazy, and we are left with beliefs that we hold strongly to. These misguided beliefs can spring out of what you see in media, how you were treated growing up, or direct messages about emotions from other people. The reason that I do not endorse these myths, is because they directly inhibit our ability to engage with and regulate our emotions.

I have previously written about mindfulness from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT also includes an emotional regulation module, in which one of the core objectives is dispelling these myths. Oftentimes, we find ourselves stuck in cycles of emotional reactivity, numbness, and overwhelm. These cycles tend to be sustained by emotional myths that we either consciously or unconsciously accept as true. While there isn’t a limit to what these myths could be, I want to lay out common falsehoods and offer a view based on truth and wellness. But before that, let me share a little bit about what emotions are.

Emotions are pieces of information. We do not always pick and choose which emotions arise in ourselves (otherwise we would all be happy 24/7). Emotions are natural, reactive, and temporary. They are experienced internally, but also connect with physical sensations (for example, feeling your stomach drop when anxious, or your face get flushed when embarrassed). Emotions are both valid (allowed & understandable), and not always representative of reality. Like any useful information, it’s important to make room for and consider our emotions, without relying on them to accurately reflect everything or make our decisions for us.

While emotions are vital signals to navigate everyday life, there’s reasons that we do not always engage with them effectively. One such reason (you guessed it) are emotional myths. Again, I cannot list every single myth about emotion that someone may believe in one blog post. Instead, I am going to outline some of the most common ones, in conjunction with more accurate/healthy ways to view them. As you read, consider if/how each myth shows up for you, if you are open to the alternative, and what life free from that myth might look like.

Myth 1: Emotions are good or bad.

Alternative: While we tend to label things with black and white thinking, it’s rare that any part of life fits neatly into one of two categories. Emotions are no exception. While it would not be inaccurate to describe emotions as positive/negative, or wanted/unwanted, this does not make an emotion inherently good or bad. In the same way, feeling a certain emotion does not make you good or bad. Emotions offer us insight; they don’t define our morality.

Myth 2: There’s a right way to feel.

Alternative: Similar to the last myth, this misconception involves us viewing things in a very binary light. But, as stated before, we do not choose which emotion we experience. And, as individuals, we are all unique. Which means emotions cannot reasonably be expected to be uniform across people, and that there isn’t a correct answer for how to feel across situations.

Myth 3: Talking about emotions is pointless.

Alternative: Speaking personally, my brain tends to look for solutions to challenges. Sometimes, that’s helpful, and other times, it actually creates problems. Our emotions are not problems to be solved. And, while talking about emotions can alleviate discomfort, it offers us much more than that. Speaking honestly about emotions helps us to process and communicate them effectively. This is not done in an effort to “fix” things, but to allow us to respond in a healthy manner.

Myth 4: Others will view me negatively if I share my emotions.

Alternative: This myth is one that can stem from past hurt. The fact opposing this misconception is not that this can never happen. It’s that it won’t always happen. It’s scary to be vulnerable in relationships, but when we connect with people that are safe, sharing our emotions results in more meaningful connections. Authenticity is hard, but something we are worth.

Myth 5: If I let myself feel my emotions, I will lose control.

Alternative: The pushback to this myth is not that it’s always easy to control what we do. There’s a reason that there’s an entire category of therapy meant to address behavior. But while we may need to learn and practice skills to control our responses to certain challenges, the truth is that if we stifle an emotion, we are actually offering it more power over us. That’s not just counseling mumbo-jumbo, it’s a fact. Pushing emotions down leads to our brain doing more work to avoid it, our bodies continuing to hold onto stress, and the emotion coming back even stronger due to being unprocessed. You don’t have to be confident in your ability to feel and respond to certain emotions starting out- but don’t fall for the lie that pushing it away will be a better strategy.

Myth 6: Emotions are inferior to logic.

Alternative: There’s a concept from DBT I’ve referenced in previous writings called “Wise Mind.” To boil it down, we make effective decisions when we can balance both our logic and emotion. Looking at only one side of the equation leads to overthinking or reacting impulsively. When we consider both sides, we can solve problems with logic, and identify what we genuinely care about/want based on our emotions.

Myth 7: I can always trust my feelings.

Alternative: As previously stated, emotions are one data point. While it is unwise to ignore our emotions, it can also be problematic to treat our interpretations as fact. The distinction would look something like allowing yourself to feel hurt when a friend seemingly ignores you, without assuming that they did so out of malice. It can be challenging, but it’s important to allow space for that emotion without letting it define reality.

Myth 8: Other people control how I feel.

Alternative: Don’t get me wrong, people oftentimes impact what emotion we experience. However, there’s a difference in influencing our emotions and controlling them. At the end of the day, we cannot assign somebody else responsibility for our emotions. Instead, we can practice healthy awareness and communication about our feelings, and claim responsibility for how we respond to them.

With all of these laid out, I hope that you are starting to become more aware of the myths that you have bought into. As you begin to challenge these myths, don’t feel pressure to flip everything on its head all at once. It’s okay if you find yourself categorizing emotions as good/bad early in the process. It’s understandable if you want to reserve authenticity for your safest relationships at first. It’s unsurprising if it takes time to view emotion with the same weight as logic, or to challenge what our emotions are saying about reality. But beginning this process will hopefully lead to reduced pressure and shame, greater acceptance and improved decision-making. Viewing emotions accurately allows us to validate, consider, process, and respond to them effectively. So, when in doubt, try to be curious about your emotions, and remind yourself of the truth.

When it comes to mythology, I will always be supportive of choosing to enjoy the epics of old. And, in regard to the modern day, our quest is one of uncovering the truth in order to live fully. So, I implore you to challenge and ultimately vanquish the aforementioned emotional myths, and any others holding you back. It takes time, but your voice is worth hearing, your emotions are valid, and you have what it takes to lead a life worth living.