Leopards Can’t Change their Spots- But You Can

Change is an often-discussed topic around this time of year.

Seasonal shifts, New Year’s Resolutions, and fresh starts all prompt that discourse. And while those themes caused me to reflect on the concept of change, part of the hope I want to offer is that change is always available. You can experience transformation and meaningful growth just as much in September as you can in January. Transformation and meaningful growth is the specific type of change that I’m talking about in this blog. As changes come in all shapes and sizes, they exist on the spectrum anywhere between welcome and distressing. My reason for writing this is to offer encouragement, so consider changes that you wish to see in your own life.

While the nature of these changes is positive, I won’t deny that attempting to enact any kind of change is intimidating. Our brains are wired in such a way that we can easily talk ourselves out of something we don’t see as safe, worthwhile, or achievable. And make no mistake, attempting to transform how we think, interact, and exist is risky. The nature of change is not one of security or certainty. However, that risk is often worth it. So, before we talk about how to pursue change, let’s process why we might.

In most cases where we engage with something challenging, or take a risk, there needs to be a fairly compelling reason behind it. And, while my goal for this post is not to sell you change, I find it nearly impossible to establish and sustain change if I don’t have a strong “why” behind it. We can have many why’s behind our decisions to implement change, ranging from a pressing need to curiosity. Sometimes, the most powerful catalyst for change is the moment you think to yourself, “I can’t keep living this way.” Although that mentality alone can produce momentum for change, I want to share a concept that I have found to be extremely encouraging over the past year: building a life worth living.

This idea has been around throughout human history, but the framing of it that has impacted me the most has its roots in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). You see, DBT does not strive after change just for the sake of it. Nor does it stop at merely removing problems. Instead, DBT strives to offer the individual different avenues to cultivate meaning, fulfillment, and peace in their own life. This version of change is far more significant and empowering than its lesser developed counterpart. Through the lens of another healing profession, we could all agree that symptom remission is good. If you are suffering from coughing fits, it wouldn’t be ridiculous to assume that you want a doctor to prescribe you something to get rid of them. But if we stop there, you are still at risk to develop the cough again, or suffer from some other malady. However, if we prioritize nutrition, exercise, sleep, and so on, then we are improving our overall health. This is the type of change to which I refer.

Again, I am not saying that all changes have to be large-scale, or that problem-solving is a negative thing. But, we are most motivated and impacted by the type of change that adds to our life. This type of change is arguably more intimidating, and for many of us, feels less feasible. But, I assure you, it is possible. And, when talking about a life worth living, we aren’t bound by perfection. The goal is not to avoid all mistakes, or never experience distress again. Life is chaotic, uncertain, and marked by hardship. But, if we allow it, life can also be inspiring, beautiful, and redemptive. We can’t control everything. But we do have the capacity for healthy, lasting change.

Like the idiom that a leopard can’t change its spots implies, we are creatures of habit. We develop patterns that can persist throughout our lives. But, what that phrase neglects to highlight, is our adaptability. Many of those habits we grow accustomed to developed in order to serve some purpose. The patterns we see play out typically developed during a time when they were effective. Perhaps they remain effective to this day. However, oftentimes we find what was once protecting or serving us in some way is now ineffective. The all-too-common experience of standing at the crossroads of “this can’t go on,” and “I’m intimidated by doing anything different” exhibits that perfectly. But what we tend to overlook is that we had the capacity to make a change in the first place. That ability does not just dissolve over time, no matter how strong the patterns in our lives become.

The science behind our ability to achieve change lies in our neuroplasticity. This essentially refers to our brain’s ability to adapt and change. We are remarkably wired in a way that allows us to experience significant change over time. This entails everything from memorizing multiplication tables growing up, to recovering from a stroke when older. The connections in our brains are part of what allow us to form and adhere to patterns. Knowing that allows us to make lasting change. Science also supports transformation within the mind. Renewing our mind by dwelling on positivity, truth, and wisdom is one such avenue, as is reframing our story through narrative work. While blogs could be written on each of these vehicles for change, the point here is that research supports the notion that we are capable of significant transformation. So, even when you’re doubtful or unsure, remember that our capacity for change is an innate part of us as humans.

By this point, my hope is that combining your why for change with the mechanisms that make it possible has offered you both direction and determination. This foundation allows us to begin working towards the change that we want to see realized. The first requirements for change are the five pillars. These include being accepting, curious, open, non-critical, and committed to self-care.

Acceptance is a large part of change in DBT. Accepting does not mean always approving of or liking it. It does mean we are able to acknowledge reality as it is. That involves both the idea that something we are doing does not align with our values, and that we have the capacity to begin to change that. Curiosity turns our uncertainty from an obstacle into a setting for growth. It highlights that we don’t have all the answers, but that doesn’t prevent us from moving towards change. Openness builds off of that curiosity by giving us freedom and willingness to explore. While self-criticism comes extremely naturally, it has been shown to be detrimental to growth. Instead, we can adopt a non-judgmental stance and offer ourselves compassion in the midst of doing something difficult. Finally, committing to self-care is what sustains change. No matter how strongly we start, if we do not check in with ourselves and work to meet our needs, we will run out of resources. We need to not only offer ourselves grace and kindness, but attend to our needs as best we can. None of these pillars are easy. In fact, I would say that most of them don’t come naturally to me. But, as we begin to adopt this mindset/way of being, change becomes much more accessible and sustainable.

Two other methods for initiating change include making/taking steps in your desired direction, and measuring progress. While it sounds simple, creating steps to work towards is an essential part of this process. Change is not flipping a light switch and seeing a difference immediately. It takes time, consistency, and effort. We have to focus first on building momentum before we see the results we are striving for. That involves thinking through the little things that we can do today, in order to live as we wish to tomorrow. Measuring progress is also important for several reasons. If your pursuit of change is driven by a why, reason would dictate that you hope to see advancement. This reflection helps our efforts to be more effective. However, I specifically phrased this action as measuring progress because it is easy to fall for the success/failure trap. Once again, change doesn’t happen overnight, and while on that journey, one option we have is to fixate on the times that we “fail.” While it is frustrating to revert to our old ways, or discouraging to not see benefits as quickly as we would like, neither of these mean that we can no longer see improvement! When we pay attention to what works, and focus on our growth, we are more effective, motivated, and positive.

Lastly, support fuels change. I am in no way minimizing a person’s uncanny ability to foster change independently. Sometimes, we don’t have support available to us, and change is still possible in those circumstances. At the same time, seeking support is an incredible avenue for making change. Everyone here on the Pacifica Team loves to come alongside people and enable change. From sharing interventions to make use of your neuroplasticity, to offering you openness, curiosity and acceptance when you can’t offer it to yourself, we and numerous other mental health professionals want to support you in any way that we can. If you aren’t ready or don’t have the resources to begin counseling, seek out the people in your life that you trust to spur you on and hold you accountable. Our personal transformations not only impact the people around us, but can be impacted by them as well.

Overall, change is a process. It takes time, demands resources, and involves risk. But, I hope that this writing has demonstrated to you that you are both capable and worthy of experiencing it. You, the person reading this right now, are able to initiate and experience lasting, healthy change in your life. And I hope that you do just that- one spot at a time.

By: Therapist Jackson Van Meter