I’m writing this blog in a bit of a different place than usual. I’m only slightly removed from three straight weeks of different health issues. Each new concern left me exhausted and frustrated. I never enjoy being sick, or dealing with stressful health conditions, but these in particular felt as though they were coming at the worst time possible. I wasn’t just under physical stress, but also had to navigate the stress of trying to show up to work as the best version of myself, to make sure I wasn’t putting anyone else at risk, and to care for myself. My headaches ended up giving me headaches, and I was sick of feeling sick.
Maybe that sounds familiar to you. I’m sure everyone reading this has gotten sick in the past. Perhaps you deal with chronic health conditions, or find yourself unable to shake the feeling of being unwell. And that’s without mentioning the reason I decided to write this in the first place: the upcoming season change that is inevitably accompanied by different allergy and virus concerns. The fact of the matter is that all of us get sick and deal with health concerns. And, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the majority of us don’t like it. But, the reason I’m talking about this is because our health and rest don’t only affect our bodies. They influence our daily rhythms, alter how we feel, and often impact our mental health.
This isn’t just a fever-fueled tirade, it’s scientifically-backed truth. Our bodies have a finite number of resources, and when we run low on them from a lack of sleep, or they’re spent fighting illness, then our capacity for regulating our emotions is capped. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), one of the many acronyms we use is PLEASE. This pneumonic device reminds us of the many physical factors that impact our ability to regulate our emotions. While it isn’t the best acronym from a grammar standpoint, it is truly eye-opening when considering it for mental health. Physical Illness, Eating, Avoiding mood altering substances, Sleep, and Exercise all play a role in our emotional experience (I know, some of the words they chose were a stretch).
Additionally, I’ve gone over a concept called “The Window of Tolerance” in a previous blog. If you haven’t heard of it, I would encourage you to check that one out after this (It’s called Through the Living Glass). Our Window of Tolerance serves as a marker for our system feeling regulated, and therefore for us feeling calm and like ourselves. This window is something that can shrink or grow, and if we find ourselves outside of it, we can take steps to return. Dealing with sickness, chronic pain, or not enough sleep can all temporarily shrink our window, or even kick us out of it.
So, now that I’ve drawn your attention to feeling distressed and dysregulated in addition to feeling sick, where does that leave us? The point of this blog certainly isn’t to break bad news, shrug, and move on. There are positive, effective ways for us to respond to this knowledge. First, we can identify what is within our control. We cannot do anything to guarantee that we will never get sick again. However, we can exercise our agency to try and prevent it. Yes, that looks like washing your hands, and taking vitamins. But it also means trying to prioritize sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in physical activity. When we accept what is outside of our control and focus on what is within it, we are maximizing our effectiveness, and our peace of mind.
Building off of that, I would encourage you not to sit in blame, or judgment. If we are truly accepting what is outside of our control, we are letting go of those two concepts. It will take time, and you may find yourself going back to those ways of thinking. But, that course of action only adds to our emotional distress. We can instead strive to be mindful, and accept things appropriately. That brings me to response number 3: acknowledging and validating our emotions. While you may find yourself feeling more frustrated, angry, or sad than you’d like to be, trying to push those feelings down or becoming more upset because of them only makes things worse. It’s difficult, but simply taking a step back, identifying how you feel, and allowing yourself to feel that way really makes a huge difference. That could look like saying, “I am so frustrated right now. I was struggling to fall asleep last night, and I’ve woken up with a cold on the day of my big presentation. I know I didn’t choose this, and I can say that my feelings make sense. I am allowed to feel this way.” Contrary to how we think, validating that emotion makes us more likely to experience peace, not less likely.
Fourth, when you find yourself feeling unwell, truly prioritize your care. There are limits to what we can do, especially when we are sick. However, you always deserve self-care, especially when an area of health (i.e, physical) is suffering. Self-care in this respect can mean emphasizing physical health through sleep and nutrition. It can also mean practicing self-compassion, taking time to do something you enjoy, or easing up on your responsibilities. This looks different for everyone, and changes based on your situation too. No matter what, though, our physical health and emotional wellbeing isn’t going to improve any faster by us withholding care from ourselves.
To sum it all up, we can strive to be understanding, patient, and thoughtful. Like I said before, this is hard to do in the best of times, and can be even more difficult when we are struggling physically. But, making time and space to understand the situation, our emotions, and thoughts is something we are worthy of. Reminding ourselves that recovery takes rest and time allows us to not only focus on the impact today, but understand our long-term outlook. And being thoughtful helps us to respond to that frustration and stress in ways that we deem most effective. It’s not easy, and the more we care for ourselves physically, the better we’ll do mentally/emotionally as well. So, when you find yourself feeling under the weather, slow down, accept, and rest. That is how we heal.
