10 months baby girl seating on the beach and looking back at her parents by the seaside on

Attachment Theory

Our early experiences with our caregivers can shape and impact our identity and relationship with others as we grow and move about the world. Attachment Theory is an approach to counseling that focuses on identifying your specific "type" of attachment, identifying the ways it presents in your life, and works towards building security in your relationships with others and yourself.

Types of Attachment

Secure

This type of attachment, as the name conveys, means you feel relatively connected to others and safe. In your relationships, you can convey your feelings authentically and accurate without major fear of judgement of rejection. In your identity, you feel concrete and consistent in decisions that align with your values. You are confident in who you are and in who you are with and do not fear largely being or feeling abandoned. The securely attached person moves about the world curiously, thoughtfully, and balanced with knowing that they have a safe place and home to go back to.

Anxious

The anxiously attached person feels lonely, stressed, and not good enough. Anxious attachment causes us to change any and everything we possibly can to improve the mood of others around us- particularly someone we love or feel connected with. This style can cause us to feel isolated and crave attention, recognition, and validation from others. Fearing abandonment, the anxiously attached person strives to manage and avoid that distress through constantly checking in on those around them. Anxious attachment can feel draining and cause you to feel like an "imposter".

Avoidant

Avoidant Attachment style takes on fierce independence and withdraws from others during conflict. Identifying as avoidantly attached means that you often think "I don't need others" when you feel disappointed or let down by those close to you. Emotional connections can be viewed as frivolous and unnecessary as it "causes more potential for harm than good". The person who is avoidant in their attachment seems to retreat inward, unlike the anxiously attached outward presentation, and proceed to do things alone as to not feel disappointed again.

Disorganized

The mix of anxious and avoidant styles, disorganized attachment can present chaotic and unpredictable in their responses and reactions. The disorganized person oscillates between pushing and pulling others away during times of stress and conflict. This type of attachment often can be challenging to manage and understand in a relationship when one or both parties fail to identify it as an attachment style and instead incorrectly attribute it to personality. The disorganized individual may have a hard time self regulating & fears abandonment while also being "too close".

Interested in Attachment Theory?

If you find yourself nodding or relating to any of the above listed styles of attachment and can see ways that your life has been potentially impacted, an attachment approach to your counseling may be the best fit.